The Big Ones

Kate took her first steps tonight!

I am so proud of her!

There is a video of it on my facebook page... I was planning to upload it here, but it is too large a file. If you are my facebook friend, go and check it out!

I'm especially glad that Lance got to see it! My mom was there, too. And Elijah was super excited about the whole thing. It was awesome! So happy for my littlest angel!

Babies

When we came home from camp, we discovered a sparrow had made a nest in our hanging plant by the front door. There are 3 tiny eggs (no bigger than your thumbnail) inside the nest! We have had so much fun checking the nest every day, watching for the eggs to hatch.




Also, my sister's cat had kittens this week! There are three tiny kittens that Elijah has named Annie, Crowny, and BB (this is him with Crowny).

Don't babies, whether they're people or animals, embody everything that is precious to us? They are small and vulnerable, so we naturally want to care for them. They look so sweet in their miniature-ness that we want to cuddle them. You can't help but smile when you see and touch them! It has been fun to watch Elijah with these baby animals and see some of those tendencies come out in him. It is a natural reaction.


I am finishing an excellent read called Sacred Parenting, by Gary Thomas. Instead of being a parenting how-to book, he chronicles what happens in our own hearts when we become parents, showing how God uses the process of parenting to continue to refine us. We must mature when we care for another's spiritual welfare. There are many lessons we must learn, such as how to sacrifice, how to be less self-centered, how to deal with guilt and anger, how to listen to God, how to allow our children to go through hardships, and how to let go. In one chapter, he says he was praying for his son, and he felt God tell him, "You must become what you are praying for your child to become." It's amazing how being responsible for a life brings out these parts of your heart, causing you to dust off cobwebs in corners you didn't know existed! If you have children, Sacred Parenting is a must read.

Gary Thomas has called me once again to be a parent that brings my children into spiritual depth, instead of being a parent that makes decisions based on what is convenient for me.


Thank you, Father, for the miracles of these lives! They prove again that You are good, and You care for every life. Please help Lance and me listen keenly to Your guidance as we point Elijah and Kate to You.

Blue Haven in Pictures

This is the place where Lance and I taught class every morning. We've had this same spot (called "Dan's Place") every time we've gone to Blue Haven. We'd hike up a little ways above the camp to these aweosme rock formations.

This is at "silly songs," where everyone dresses up. Elijah was sword fighting with one of the guys in our class. All the teens loved Elijah and Kate!

The Tolar family on Camo Day

The Tolar family on Wild Hair Day

Kate's first pigtails! She leaves them alone when they're in, but she does NOT like the process of getting her hair fixed. If any of you with daughters have suggestions, I'd love to hear them!

The boys on our fishing day

Lance and Elijah at Hidden Falls. Our friends Vance and Kasey took us there for the day, where we had a picnic, rock climbed, and rappelled. I had an exciting first experience with rappelling!

The view from the top of our picnic spot

Lance rappelling down the cliff face (about 90 feet high). I didn't go all the way to the top like he did!

The girls in our class washed our feet one afternoon. It was wonderful.

The Tolars on Homemade T-Shirt Day!

Elijah's Gang - Kylie, Mallory, and Christian. He was very independent at camp, and he loved hanging out with his friends!

A ropes course activity where the kids had to pull on ropes to move an A-Frame within a certain area. They worked together and worked hard - they did a great job!

The banquet on the last night was themed "The Wizard of Oz." This is us as Dorothy, The Tin Man, and The Scarecrow!

Home is Where the Heart Is

We are home from a wonderful 2 weeks at Blue Haven. But home is certainly a relative term!

1309 Weaver's Way, Abilene, TX
Home= Where I live every day

After traveling, it is always nice to come back to your own space. We were extremely blessed by our moms while we were gone! My mom took care of our mail, had our lawn mowed, and stocked our fridge so we'd have fresh milk, bread, fruit, and goodies. My mother-in-law spent hours here while we were gone, picking up the packing clutter and toys in every room, and even vacuuming the floors. Our house was immaculate when we came in! It was so nice. (It's not nearly as neat today, since we've been doing endless laundry and unpacking.) Thank you, Moms! What incredible gifts!


Camp Blue Haven, Las Vegas, NM
Home= A place I love with people I love

Some highlights: (pictures coming later)

• Getting to spend time with good people, getting away from the stresses of life, worshipping several times a day in a beautiful, peaceful setting... how can you not be recharged after 2 weeks of that?
• Watching Lance teach, encourage, challenge, minister, pray. I love watching him work (and working with him) in this setting! He is such a man of God with incredible talents that God handed Him. And Lance is going all out, using them for Him, inspiring faith and calling others closer to Christ like crazy! Wow, what a man. I LOVE being his wife. (Sometimes I still can't believe he picked me!)
• Writing a piece of the curriculum and working through the lessons each day - very formative for my own heart.
• Seeing Elijah blossom into new independence and freedom. It was a little hard on Mom's heart when he told me that he did not want to play with me - that he needed some kids to play with. He made some great friends, especially Mallory and Christian, and they roamed all over camp together, having a blast! It was good for Elijah to have a safe place to try out his wings a bit. We went through some growing pains, but it was good for all of us.
• In his Bible class, Elijah learned 8 different Bible verses by memory!
• Going rappelling for the first time. It was scary, but I loved it!
• Kate got very sick the first three days, with her fever spiking to 104.4. I was thankful they have a pediatrician on staff. She assured me it was viral, and sure enough, after 3 days, Kate was back to her sweet self! She loved being outside so much, and got lots of lovin' from the campers and staff. She did a couple new things linguistically (including saying 'cat' and learning to point to her hair and her nose), and she got a new tooth (her 3rd - on the top right).
• The kids in the class we taught (incoming seniors and '08 graduates) were amazing. We formed some great relationships with them and shared some awesome conversation, and are excited many of them are coming to ACU in the fall! One afternoon the girls blessed us by washing our feet.
• Costume days - we had fun dressing up several times!

Heaven
Home= Where my heart really is

I've realized recently that I focus a lot on the aspect of "hope"- that I think about the end of earthly life and Heaven all the time. Hope shapes my days and my decisions. This year, I have slowly read Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis, really taking the time to absorb it, and it has changed my world. I finished right before camp, so the concepts in it about faith and surrendering your whole self were really on my heart as I worked and worshipped every day. The journey of that study combined with 2 weeks of teaching and worshipping have left me in an incredible place.

As I have mentioned before, I have had a lifelong battle with doubt. Today, I spent some time in prayer. And I said the words, "This is the first time for me to pray wihtout wanting to be somewhere else." I was moved to tears as I realized that for maybe the first time in my life, I didn't feel fear when I prayed. By faith, I feel the ground is solid beneath my feet, and I trust that God will direct my feet where He wants me to walk. For maybe the first time, I have peace in my spirit, because I understand that nothing else in this world matters except knowing God and helping others to know Him. In the movie First Knight, Lancelot says, "To fight bravely, you have to not care whether you live or die." That sentiment is echoed by Paul when he writes in Philippians, "To live is Christ, but to die is gain." Today, I felt that total sense of surrender. It was like seeing for the first time. And I rejoiced!! I was touched in the depths of my soul, noting that this was something I had longed for all my life. The journey my heart has been on this year culminated in that one prayer this afternoon. I realized I would look back on this time as another benchmark in my faith story.

If you haven't read Mere Christianity, I strongly encourage you to. I have never read anything more challenging, more inspiring, more solid and clean that the Truths he speaks of. His words are so hard-hitting! I truly believe it is the missing link between the Bible and people's hearts. It seems in our culture and churches, people do not often truly live by faith, becasue they are leaving Christ out of Christianity. They are trying to be good, nice people while holding on to personal happiness as their aim. And they wonder why they feel empty. Lewis calls us to surrender ourselves to God not resist His transforming work - that He will make us new men through and through! I felt a taste of that ultimate peace today when, maybe for the first time, I truly let go.

I thank God for all the different homes I have the priveledge of enjoying, and I look forward to the day when we will be in our true Home!

Mountains Green, Sparkling Streams

Tomorrow afternoon, my family and I are going to Camp Blue Haven for 2 weeks. After our first year there, we fell in love with the camp, the ministry, the people, the setting, and the time we get to spend with each other and with God! This is our third year to serve as teachers for a two-week session. (These pictures are from last year.)

Lance and I teach one of the high school classes for two hours every morning. After that, we're free to do as we please. It's hard not to grow when you are in a beautiful, peaceful setting, away from the stuff of life, having times of worship, study, encouragement and fellowship all day long.

Elijah has been looking forward to it - he has been counting the days for about a month now! He is at the perfect age for it this year. And this will be Kate's first trip to Blue Haven. We are looking forward to letting her meet many of our good friends!

We will be back June 28 - my internet access will be intermittent, at best, so I may or may not get to post between now and then.

Pray for the teachers, staff, counselors and campers as we all strive to come to know Christ more fully!

Just Another Day in Paradise

Do you ever have a moment that you want to remember forever? For me, sometimes when something is particularly meaningful, emotional, poignant, or precious, I consciously try to "take a picture" in my mind. I try to take in the whole scene and just mentally stop time for a moment, burning the images to memory forever. I have many of those mental photographs that I pull up in my heart from time to time, remembering a special time.

As I was rocking Kate to sleep tonight, I thought, I have had a somewhat normal day - just working around the house (packing to get ready for our 2-week trip to Camp Blue Haven - we leave on Friday!), hanging out with the kids. But all of a sudden, I realized that every single one of my "normal" days are filled with moments to remember forever. Sometimes you're just trying to get through the day. But other times, you can step outside yourself and take in the enormity, beauty, and wonder of living with children.

Parenting is SO tender - often stressful, never boring; filled with hugs and kisses and questions and tears; rushing around at times, at others, it seems the clock doesn't even exist. And every day is different... children literally change every day. I think the combination of those two facts is why parents take so many pictures. Each stage a child goes through is unique and wonderful in its own way. But we know they'll be in a different phase tomorrow, and the old one will be gone. We just want to hold on to as many precious pieces as we can.

I wanted to record a medley of mental snapshots I have from today.

• Waking up, squished and grumpy at my lack of rest, in the same bed with both of my children (after my mom kept the kids last night, we all 4 stayed over, at Elijah's request)
  
• Taking the kids to Walgreens because Elijah really wanted another giant rubber centipede (eeww!). Seeing his delight and hearing his laughter when I told him we could get two more.


• Watching Kate crawl as fast as she could when she saw the back door was open (she LOVES going outside!).


• Listening to the splatter of water and Elijah's constant chatter as I watched him play with the water hose, squirting everything in sight.


• Feeling Kate get squirmy and restless in my arms as she gets sleepy. Feeling her totally relax, looking into her trusting eyes, and feeling the warmth of her hand on my cheek. Watching her close her eyes as I rock her. Hearing her cry when I lay her down and leave.


• Coming into the bathroom to the smell of baby powder. Seeing it spread over the floor and Kate sitting next to the open cabinet.


• Feeling Kate climb all over me while we layed on the floor. Laughing as she enjoyed climbing onto my tummy, then climbing down, and starting over again. Hearing her giggle as she tucked her hands down by her side and pressed her face and shoulders into a pillow.


• Hearing Kate's insistent "Mmmm!" and "Mah mah! (more more)"; seeing her little serious frown when she spies food. The taste of a shared bowl of Apple Jacks as an afternoon snack.


• Hearing quiet little footsteps in the hall while sitting on the couch. Looking over my shoulder to see only one of Elijah's eyes peering into the living room, looking for me. At my smile and "Hi, sweetie!", seeing him smile back and run over to sit next to me.


• Hearing Elijah laugh when he picked Kate up with both arms around her waist, moving her to different spots around her activity table.


• Laughing with Elijah as we turned up the Van Halen CD. Seeing him grab his toy guitar and rock out. Feeling Kate hold on tightly as I twirled her around. Feeling badly when he noticed they were singing about the devil ("Runnin' with the Devil"); seeing understanding and confidence in his eyes when we decided to turn it off.
• Hearing Kate cry when she hit her head on the door frame. Being the one to pick her up and rub her back and hearing my soft voice while I comforted her.
  
• Hearing Elijah's musical laughter when he purposely told me, "I want to go to Taco" instead of saying "I want to go to Taco Bueno." Watching him go up to the cashier all by himself to order and pay for an extra taco (he is so small that by the time he got there, I couldn't even see the top of his head!), then hearing him say "Thank you" when they handed it to him. Seeing his proud smile when he carried the tray back over to us, and then watching him responsibly put the tray away after he had unloaded its contents. Looking at Kate's round cheeks while she took her first "big girl bite" (not from a spoon) of a bean burrito.


• Watching Elijah's eyes light up as he heard the ice cream truck while we were at the park. Seeing the red juice drip all over his hand, the swing, down his leg, and into a red puddle on the ground below him as he ate it.


• Hearing Kate's delighted laughter and watching her kick her feet as she was swinging. Feeling her squishy belly as I poked it to tickle her.


• Hearing Elijah's cry as I told him it was time to leave the park; hearing myself repeat the words "I already answered you; don't ask me again" several times.
  
• Watching Kate trying to grab the bath water as it comes out of the faucet; feeling her resist me as I try to sit her down in the water (she only wants to stand up!). Watching her hold on to the wall as she cruised around to the back corner so she could grab the shaving cream and toss it into the water. Seeing her lift her little knee to try to climb over the bag of bath toys. Hearing her laugh and seeing her kick both her legs at the same time when I pulled her out of the tub and wrapped her in a fluffy towel.


• Smelling baby lotion as I rubbed it over both of my kids' smooth skin. Making eye contact with them and smiling as I rub their feet. Smelling the delicious sweetness of Nestles (baby hair lotion) as I put it in Kate's thickening hair.
  
• Hearing a strange "swish-swish" sound as I was brushing Elijah's teeth. Looking down to see Kate sitting up on the tile floor, diaper only, using her legs to happily turn herself around and around in a circle.
  
• Feeling a tight grip on a wet quarter as I pulled it out of Kate's mouth and hand.
  
• At Elijah's request, taking him and Kate outside look at the moon. Singing praise songs together while looking at the moon (in lieu of staying with him for 2 songs from his bedtime CD). Feeling the wet lawn chair cushion soak into my clothes, and feeling both my kids sitting in my lap at the same time. Marveling at the care-free-ness of children as he made up his own song of praise to God, and hearing him say he wanted to invite his friends over and all make music to God together.
  
• Feeling Kate's little hand on the back of my neck and in my hair as I carried her through the house.
  
• Singing along with Elijah's bedtime CD, and hearing Kate'ssoft, high-pitched "Aah ahh, ahh ahhhhhh" as she joined in.

These everyday moments are moments to cherish! I wish I could go around with a video camera continously strapped to my head - I wish I could record all of it, the good and the bad. In Job 42, Job tells God, "Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know." Sometimes I feel that my life is too wonderful for me to appreciate, understand, take in. But I continue to overflow with gratitude for the everyday treasures that are Elijah and Kate.

"There are no days in life so memorable as those which vibrated to some stroke of the imagination." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

It's amazing how a costume can totally change you.

You can be anything - forget all your inhibitions and become someone or something else. Fulfill your dreams. Imagine new dreams. Spread your horizons, learn something new, and empathize with others who may have different perspectives. Or simply play: be silly and laugh at how you look in something zany!

We have acquired a closet full of costumes, and Elijah loves wearing each of them ones. It is fun to imagine him in each of these different roles, seeing different aspects of his personality come to life with each change of clothes.

Here is a smattering of pictures of our guy with all his different looks.

Santa Elijah

Tiger Swim Elijah

Spiderman Elijah

Scarecrow Elijah

King Lance and Prince Elijah
(for Lance's birthday, we crowned him King!)

Pirate Elijah

Rocker Elijah

Doctor Elijah

Fireman Elijah

Sir Elijah

Elijah, the "naked gun"

May your imagination never sleep!