Sugar and Spice

Happy First Birthday, Kate!

It’s hard to believe that it was 366 days ago that we first heard the words, "It's a girl!" This year has been an absolute whirlwind!

When the birthday rolls around, it’s hard not to reminisce about the way she came into this world. It is truly such a miracle! I have relieved it numerous times, and I know I will relive it countless more. It was one of the three best days of my life. I would like to share the story with you, so get a drink and get comfy, and think back to one year ago.

I loved being pregnant! I felt good, and I loved anticipating the baby’s arrival. We decided not to find out (again) if it was a boy or a girl. I love surprises!

But by the time I was 40 weeks along, I was really ready to have the baby. After having a miscarriage, I struggled with an irrational fear that, although everything had been wonderful all along, something would go wrong at the end or in labor or delivery. I really wanted to go into labor on my own, after having a bit of a rough time with Elijah’s induction. But I was struggling with how long I could stand to wait with my worry. We made an appointment to be induced the following week. The doctor asked us what day we’d pick, and Lance randomly said Wednesday, the 15th.

Nothing happened that week. I was scheduled for a regular 41-week checkup on Tuesday morning. I had some contractions that morning before I went to the doctor, and I asked him about it. He said he wouldn’t be surprised if I was in labor (I had been dilated to a 2 for a couple weeks), but that I should wait and see if the contractions got more regular.

I was really excited! My mom and Elijah were with me. We made a stop at the grocery store to pick up a prescription and a birthday cake for the baby (Elijah’s idea!). All during the visit to the store, I was having contractions. My mom and I had fun timing them. We decided it was time to start writing the times down. They really weren’t in a regular pattern, and weren’t especially painful, but they were present, nonetheless.

The contractions lasted all morning. I called Lance and told him about them, and we decided to start making our final preparations to get ready to go to the hospital, perhaps around lunchtime. I worked around the house for an hour or so, and about noon, I sat down at the computer for 20 minutes or so. When I finished, I noticed my contractions had slowed down considerably. Then they stopped altogether. I was a bit disappointed when I called Lance and told him to hold off on the hospital after all.

At about 4:30, my contractions picked up again. Elijah had “Meet the Teacher” for his preschool that afternoon at 5, so I took him in. We enjoyed playing around in his new classroom, and all the while I was having contractions. At this point, they were painful enough to make me take pause.

Our friends Matt and Heather caught up with us at Rainbow School, and they invited us to dinner for one last gathering before the baby came. I called Lance (who was still at the office), and asked him if he could make it. He was finishing something up, so the Dodds, Elijah and I went to CVS to kill some time (random, I know, but they have a good toy aisle for our two little 3-year-olds). All the while, I was having contractions. They were hurting enough for me to stop talking during them.

We went to Chili’s for dinner. We had a great time, but my contractions really started picking up – I would sometimes have to grip something to distract me from the pain. I was timing and writing them down the whole time. By the time we left dinner, they were hurting me enough that I was afraid to drive. We decided it was really time to start thinking about going in.

My mother-in-law came into town to spend the night. She was scheduled to be in around 8 p.m. While we were waiting for her, I got into the bathtub to relax. I’ll never forget that Elijah asked Lance if he could join me. Of course, I said yes. J Then I got into the rocking chair with a heating pad to relax my back.

Lance called Labor and Delivery and asked them when it was time for me to come up. My contractions were intensifying, but they still weren’t in a regular pattern. They basically told me to come whenever I couldn’t stand the pain anymore! I told my mother-in-law that I’d put Elijah to bed for her, and then I’d go. While I was getting stuff ready, I sat down in the middle of a contraction, and she gently told me, “You need to go.” I knew she was right! At about 10:30, we headed up to the hospital. I called my mom on the way and told her I wanted her to come.

I was really in pain by this time. When I walked into the E.R., the nurse at the desk said, “May I help you?” “I think I’m in labor,” I told her. “Better you than me,” she said, and got me a wheelchair. In a couple minutes, they rolled me into a room.

The nurse got me in a gown and checked my cervix. I was dilated to a 6 ½! She told me that if I wanted an epidural, I had better go ahead and order it, or I might not have time to get one. I did want an epidural, but I felt proud that I had gone that far without it (I went all the way to an 8 before I got my epidural with Elijah). They processed me quickly, but there was still some red tape to go through before I could get it. During the next 45 minutes, my contractions intensified so much that I started to feel a surge of panic before the pain would come on. I really began to want relief. They offered me demerol to take the edge off the pain. But that was one thing I was sure about - I didn't want anything to make me feel "loopy," so I refused. It was one of the best decisions I ever made! I was calm and happy in between contractions.

Finally, at 11:15, the anesthesiologist came in the room. They got the epidural started, and within a few minutes, the almost insufferable pain was gone. An intense sense of relief swept over me. I realized I had done it! I had gotten everything I wanted... I went into labor on my own, even though I was scheduled to be induced the next day. I went without the pain meds, so I would get to be mentally awake when the baby came. I labored so much at home on my own. Now all that remained was to wait. It was only a matter of time until I would meet my little one!

The waiting of the next few hours passed very quickly. I had so much fun! I played a game of dice with my mom and Lance. I invited my family members to come in and see me, and we shared the excitement. We all couldn’t wait to find out if it was a boy or a girl.

At 2:25 a.m., I was fully dilated, but my water hadn't broken. They broke my water and told me it was time to push! The epidural continued to work WONDERFULLY (whoever invented those is my friend!). And all through the pushing, I was watching Lance's face. He was so excited, standing on his tiptoes to see our baby! Then, 14 minutes later, after the final push, time slowed down as the doctor held our baby and rotated her to face us. We heard, "It's a girl!!" We all squealed, and my mom and I put our heads together and laughed and laughed. It was bliss!!! I was so surprised... I wanted a girl, but I never actually thought we'd get one. It was one of the most beautiful, blissful, joyous moments in my whole life.

Kate was born at 2:39 a.m. Wednesday, August 15, 2007. She weighed a whopping 9 pounds, 1 ounce!! (I couldn’t believe she was that big – I really didn’t have any trouble at all with the pushing.) She was 21 1/2 inches long.We didn't hardly sleep that night, but I was too happy to sleep, anyway. We stayed in the hospital all day Wednesday, and were so blessed by so many friends and family members who came to love on us and give us a pink explosion!


Lance and I just practically giggled all day, hardly believing that we had a daughter. I felt great, and never even took a single pain pill in the hospital.

Elijah was absolutely precious about his new little sister. He had been saying for the last 2 weeks that he wanted the baby to be a girl. Lance was the one to tell him. When Elijah heard the news, he jumped up and down and clapped! He called her "his baby." On the car ride home, we put both the kids in the back in their car seats. Elijah said, "I want her to scoot over by me." It was so sweet! He couldn't take his eyes off her.

Kate came into this world so easily, really. And all my labor and delivery dreams came true. We laughed later when we realized that Kate had chosen the same birthday Lance chose for her (when we scheduled the induction). It was a time for rejoicing, and we did! Today is another day for rejoicing, as we celebrate the first year of Kate’s life. It seems every stage is more fun than the last. She has grown to have a funny personality, lots of bubbling emotions, curious fingers, and a delightful laugh. I am so excited to have a little girl in my life. We have already shared so many tender, silly, and memorable moments, and many more are to come. Before we had children, I told Lance that I had always had a happy life, but I never knew the true meaning of JOY until our children were born.

I thank God for the pleasure of being Kate’s mama! Happy First Birthday, baby girl. I love you with all my heart.

Fun in the Summertime

It's been almost a month since my last post!

We went on a wonderfully relaxing trip in July. Lance had to go to meetings in Austin and Arlington, so we tagged along! We stayed in hotels, ate out, and relaxed. The highlights were going to the Austin Children's Museum, 6 Flags, and an awesome pet store where we got to touch lots of the animals.

One of Elijah's favorite parts of the Children's Museum - the Milk Exhibit. This is the ramp where you roll the "bottled milk" to the "grocery store." It's awesome!

Looking at herself in a mirror at the children's museum

Although she'd been to the museum before, this was her first time to be old enough to enjoy the exhibits herself! It was fun to watch her figure out how to put the ball in the hole after it rolled down.

At 6 flags - my sister Amy, Elijah, and my nephew Ethan on a 3-D ride. Elijah LOVED 6 Flags and already can't wait to go back!

Kate's favorite part of 6 Flags was the mist sprayers. She is a water girl for sure!

The kids got their portraits made. This was my favorite one of them together.

Last weekend, 2 of my greatest friends, Tahj and Fran, and their guys, joined us for a fun day last weekened. They came over for a big homemade breakfast that morning. Then, in the evening, we all had a triple date! We enjoyed some delicious chicken fried steak at Abilene's Beehive, and then we came back to our house for some Rock Band, courtesy of Guy. I had never tried it before - we all had a great time!

My aunt's tuxedo store, Esquire Tuxedo here in Abilene, is closing after 34 years. They gave away tuxes to everyone in the family, including "Tolar. Elijah Tolar." He LOVES his tux, and he actually wore it to Wal-Mart one morning! He'll wear it to my mom's wedding in October. Isn't he dashing?




I can hardly believe my littlest angel will be a year old on Friday! She is growing up so fast. We are having a wonderful time, and I count myself more blessed every day!


She is doing really well. Here are some of her latest feats:

• She can walk a bit, and has walked as many as 10 steps in a row without falling. Every time she does it, Elijah says, "I saw that!"
• She can say about 35 words (and I thought Elijah was a talker!). The ones we hear most often are "Mama," "Down," "Thank you," "See," "Bite," and "Uh-oh." It is so much fun to get to know her in this way!
• She has 6 teeth now - 4 on top and 2 on bottom. She had some hard times a couple weeks back. It's tough getting 3 top teeth at once! They are still coming down a bit, but pretty soon, she's gonna have a mouthful.
  
  
  She is learning to feed herself with a spoon. This is one of her favorite tricks!
  
  
  We have been having a bit of a hard time with bedtime again - Elijah has started to be afraid of the dark. I'm at a bit of a loss for what to do to help him through this stage - Lance and I have racked our brains for a couple weeks now, trying to think of a new approach. It seems we've already tried it all, from being sympathetic to being serious. We've even bought special toys to protect him and talked about faith. It's a strange mix of emotions to hear him go through it - I feel so sorry for him, and I want to scoop him up and let him stay right beside me all the time. But I know that's not best for him. And it makes things difficult on everyone when he gets so upset that he wakes Kate up. If anyone has suggestions, they would be most welcomed.
  
  In the meantime, I'm weaning Kate, which is another process of doing what seems counter-intuitive. It's hard to "push them out of the nest" sometimes, even though you know it's right and good and what's meant to be! I feel so blessed to have been able to breastfeed both of my children for a year, and it's hard to see that precious time come to a close, especially not knowing for sure whether or not we're going to have another one (my vote is yes!).
  
  I hope all is well as your summer draws to a close!
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

The Big Ones

Kate took her first steps tonight!

I am so proud of her!

There is a video of it on my facebook page... I was planning to upload it here, but it is too large a file. If you are my facebook friend, go and check it out!

I'm especially glad that Lance got to see it! My mom was there, too. And Elijah was super excited about the whole thing. It was awesome! So happy for my littlest angel!

Babies

When we came home from camp, we discovered a sparrow had made a nest in our hanging plant by the front door. There are 3 tiny eggs (no bigger than your thumbnail) inside the nest! We have had so much fun checking the nest every day, watching for the eggs to hatch.




Also, my sister's cat had kittens this week! There are three tiny kittens that Elijah has named Annie, Crowny, and BB (this is him with Crowny).

Don't babies, whether they're people or animals, embody everything that is precious to us? They are small and vulnerable, so we naturally want to care for them. They look so sweet in their miniature-ness that we want to cuddle them. You can't help but smile when you see and touch them! It has been fun to watch Elijah with these baby animals and see some of those tendencies come out in him. It is a natural reaction.


I am finishing an excellent read called Sacred Parenting, by Gary Thomas. Instead of being a parenting how-to book, he chronicles what happens in our own hearts when we become parents, showing how God uses the process of parenting to continue to refine us. We must mature when we care for another's spiritual welfare. There are many lessons we must learn, such as how to sacrifice, how to be less self-centered, how to deal with guilt and anger, how to listen to God, how to allow our children to go through hardships, and how to let go. In one chapter, he says he was praying for his son, and he felt God tell him, "You must become what you are praying for your child to become." It's amazing how being responsible for a life brings out these parts of your heart, causing you to dust off cobwebs in corners you didn't know existed! If you have children, Sacred Parenting is a must read.

Gary Thomas has called me once again to be a parent that brings my children into spiritual depth, instead of being a parent that makes decisions based on what is convenient for me.


Thank you, Father, for the miracles of these lives! They prove again that You are good, and You care for every life. Please help Lance and me listen keenly to Your guidance as we point Elijah and Kate to You.

Blue Haven in Pictures

This is the place where Lance and I taught class every morning. We've had this same spot (called "Dan's Place") every time we've gone to Blue Haven. We'd hike up a little ways above the camp to these aweosme rock formations.

This is at "silly songs," where everyone dresses up. Elijah was sword fighting with one of the guys in our class. All the teens loved Elijah and Kate!

The Tolar family on Camo Day

The Tolar family on Wild Hair Day

Kate's first pigtails! She leaves them alone when they're in, but she does NOT like the process of getting her hair fixed. If any of you with daughters have suggestions, I'd love to hear them!

The boys on our fishing day

Lance and Elijah at Hidden Falls. Our friends Vance and Kasey took us there for the day, where we had a picnic, rock climbed, and rappelled. I had an exciting first experience with rappelling!

The view from the top of our picnic spot

Lance rappelling down the cliff face (about 90 feet high). I didn't go all the way to the top like he did!

The girls in our class washed our feet one afternoon. It was wonderful.

The Tolars on Homemade T-Shirt Day!

Elijah's Gang - Kylie, Mallory, and Christian. He was very independent at camp, and he loved hanging out with his friends!

A ropes course activity where the kids had to pull on ropes to move an A-Frame within a certain area. They worked together and worked hard - they did a great job!

The banquet on the last night was themed "The Wizard of Oz." This is us as Dorothy, The Tin Man, and The Scarecrow!

Home is Where the Heart Is

We are home from a wonderful 2 weeks at Blue Haven. But home is certainly a relative term!

1309 Weaver's Way, Abilene, TX
Home= Where I live every day

After traveling, it is always nice to come back to your own space. We were extremely blessed by our moms while we were gone! My mom took care of our mail, had our lawn mowed, and stocked our fridge so we'd have fresh milk, bread, fruit, and goodies. My mother-in-law spent hours here while we were gone, picking up the packing clutter and toys in every room, and even vacuuming the floors. Our house was immaculate when we came in! It was so nice. (It's not nearly as neat today, since we've been doing endless laundry and unpacking.) Thank you, Moms! What incredible gifts!


Camp Blue Haven, Las Vegas, NM
Home= A place I love with people I love

Some highlights: (pictures coming later)

• Getting to spend time with good people, getting away from the stresses of life, worshipping several times a day in a beautiful, peaceful setting... how can you not be recharged after 2 weeks of that?
• Watching Lance teach, encourage, challenge, minister, pray. I love watching him work (and working with him) in this setting! He is such a man of God with incredible talents that God handed Him. And Lance is going all out, using them for Him, inspiring faith and calling others closer to Christ like crazy! Wow, what a man. I LOVE being his wife. (Sometimes I still can't believe he picked me!)
• Writing a piece of the curriculum and working through the lessons each day - very formative for my own heart.
• Seeing Elijah blossom into new independence and freedom. It was a little hard on Mom's heart when he told me that he did not want to play with me - that he needed some kids to play with. He made some great friends, especially Mallory and Christian, and they roamed all over camp together, having a blast! It was good for Elijah to have a safe place to try out his wings a bit. We went through some growing pains, but it was good for all of us.
• In his Bible class, Elijah learned 8 different Bible verses by memory!
• Going rappelling for the first time. It was scary, but I loved it!
• Kate got very sick the first three days, with her fever spiking to 104.4. I was thankful they have a pediatrician on staff. She assured me it was viral, and sure enough, after 3 days, Kate was back to her sweet self! She loved being outside so much, and got lots of lovin' from the campers and staff. She did a couple new things linguistically (including saying 'cat' and learning to point to her hair and her nose), and she got a new tooth (her 3rd - on the top right).
• The kids in the class we taught (incoming seniors and '08 graduates) were amazing. We formed some great relationships with them and shared some awesome conversation, and are excited many of them are coming to ACU in the fall! One afternoon the girls blessed us by washing our feet.
• Costume days - we had fun dressing up several times!

Heaven
Home= Where my heart really is

I've realized recently that I focus a lot on the aspect of "hope"- that I think about the end of earthly life and Heaven all the time. Hope shapes my days and my decisions. This year, I have slowly read Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis, really taking the time to absorb it, and it has changed my world. I finished right before camp, so the concepts in it about faith and surrendering your whole self were really on my heart as I worked and worshipped every day. The journey of that study combined with 2 weeks of teaching and worshipping have left me in an incredible place.

As I have mentioned before, I have had a lifelong battle with doubt. Today, I spent some time in prayer. And I said the words, "This is the first time for me to pray wihtout wanting to be somewhere else." I was moved to tears as I realized that for maybe the first time in my life, I didn't feel fear when I prayed. By faith, I feel the ground is solid beneath my feet, and I trust that God will direct my feet where He wants me to walk. For maybe the first time, I have peace in my spirit, because I understand that nothing else in this world matters except knowing God and helping others to know Him. In the movie First Knight, Lancelot says, "To fight bravely, you have to not care whether you live or die." That sentiment is echoed by Paul when he writes in Philippians, "To live is Christ, but to die is gain." Today, I felt that total sense of surrender. It was like seeing for the first time. And I rejoiced!! I was touched in the depths of my soul, noting that this was something I had longed for all my life. The journey my heart has been on this year culminated in that one prayer this afternoon. I realized I would look back on this time as another benchmark in my faith story.

If you haven't read Mere Christianity, I strongly encourage you to. I have never read anything more challenging, more inspiring, more solid and clean that the Truths he speaks of. His words are so hard-hitting! I truly believe it is the missing link between the Bible and people's hearts. It seems in our culture and churches, people do not often truly live by faith, becasue they are leaving Christ out of Christianity. They are trying to be good, nice people while holding on to personal happiness as their aim. And they wonder why they feel empty. Lewis calls us to surrender ourselves to God not resist His transforming work - that He will make us new men through and through! I felt a taste of that ultimate peace today when, maybe for the first time, I truly let go.

I thank God for all the different homes I have the priveledge of enjoying, and I look forward to the day when we will be in our true Home!

Mountains Green, Sparkling Streams

Tomorrow afternoon, my family and I are going to Camp Blue Haven for 2 weeks. After our first year there, we fell in love with the camp, the ministry, the people, the setting, and the time we get to spend with each other and with God! This is our third year to serve as teachers for a two-week session. (These pictures are from last year.)

Lance and I teach one of the high school classes for two hours every morning. After that, we're free to do as we please. It's hard not to grow when you are in a beautiful, peaceful setting, away from the stuff of life, having times of worship, study, encouragement and fellowship all day long.

Elijah has been looking forward to it - he has been counting the days for about a month now! He is at the perfect age for it this year. And this will be Kate's first trip to Blue Haven. We are looking forward to letting her meet many of our good friends!

We will be back June 28 - my internet access will be intermittent, at best, so I may or may not get to post between now and then.

Pray for the teachers, staff, counselors and campers as we all strive to come to know Christ more fully!